I’ve been in recovery for what feels like years. I’ve seen all the doctors, attended all the counseling sessions and eaten the food. But no matter what I do, there’s always that faint voice in the back of my mind, and it will never leave. I hear it degrading me, reminding me how utterly useless and worthless I am. It makes me wonder; will I ever recover from this sickness? And my answer right now; …probably not.
I’ve never had good luck. I’ve never met a guy who made me feel special, who didn’t expect sex from me. For the first time, I thought I’d finally found somebody to love me. This wasn’t like all the other times when I just had sex with guys because I thought it’d make them like me, and I thought it’d make me feel good. I knew they all used me for sex, and I seemed okay with that, but really I was trying to find a way to fill the empty void within my chest. I really have never been the lucky one, which is why I’m so confused… Why doesn’t he want to have sex with me? Why does he say he wants to wait? I’m getting rather worried now. I’ve just finished crying and I’ve left him a message, I told him I don’t think we should see each other any more and that maybe it’s for the best. But I’m scared. I really like him, and the truth is, I don’t want to be hurt by him.
At one time, I was a really good listner and I gave decent advice. But now, I cant pay attention and I never know what to do when someone is upset. Im so awkward around people who openly share their feelings with me because I dont even know how to deal with my own. How am I supposed to deal with someone elses??